Amnesia .... an' meh near brush wit Blowin a Breathalyzer!
So Christmas come an' gorn .......
...... is now 2010 ...... and Carnival come back again! ...... which I didn't even realise ...... until fren call meh last week ...... tuh discuss Carnival fetes! ...... cuz is only then ...... it dawned on me ..... dat I eh know when nuttin is ...... and I eh even know one soca song fuh de season! ..... it so bad wit me ...... dat is only when de Beyonce bacchanal start tuh brew ..... dat I find out dat Carnival is dat same week!!
Now my peeps know ...... dat dey is not tuh call me ...... tuh ASK me where I goin ...... and dat when dey call (tuh have a carnival discussion) ....... is tuh TELL me where WE goin ..... cuz as I've said time and time again ...... me eh payin dem crazy ass prices tuh go nowhere! ...... if ah ticket doh magically land up in my lap ...... my arse is home (wit all my money still in my wallet)!
So anyway ....... said fren ...... who is de original link-up queen ..... and who knows my MO very well ...... call meh back about 2 days after we talk ..... tuh tell meh dat she organise tickets fuh Amnesia .....
Scene's carnival was about tuh launch!
Now I didn't go to Amnesia last year ...... which apparently ...... was not a good year for them ..... with the whole hors d'oeuvres paradin as food fiasco ...... I believe it was their first year attempting dat format ...... and Trinis did not appreciate it at all ..... cuz if is one ting Trinis expect when dey pay hundreds of dollars tuh go ah party ...... is nuff food ...... and nuff alcohol ..... and dah whole finger foods scene ..... jus wasn't cuttin it ..... cuz Trinis feel if dey pay $600 or $700 or $800 ...... dey must eat and drink de whole $600 or $700 or $800!!!
Anyway ....... de party was yesterday ...... at Pier 1 ..... and from de looks of tings ..... is only people who had AMNESIA ..... and people like me (who didn't go last year) ...... turn up! ....... cuz I reach de party about 6:00 pm ..... which I figured was a good time ...... since it was carded to start at 4:00 pm ..... but ......at that time ...... plenty of de 'beautiful people' still had not arrived!
Tuh tell yuh how buss-ish de party was ..... getting tuh de venue was ah breeze ...... and you know ..... dat nuttin it havin down dey does doh cause traffic! ...... but ..... yesterday was smooth sailing ...... even parkin was borse ..... cuz was nuff room in de Pier 2 car park ..... an' doh get meh wrong eh ...... I eh complainin about de buss-ish-ness eh ..... cuz dat actually worked in we (the beautiful people) favour ..... cuz nothing was a problem in de party ...... drinks was real easy tuh get ...... food was plentiful and real easy tuh get ..... de bathrooms were clean and real easy tuh access ..... de crowd was real spaced out and real easy tuh maneuver yuh way through ..... in other words ...... de scene was nice and cool ...... and not hot and sweaty and ram (like previous years)!
The theme this year was "Spectrum - The Colour Principle" (yeah, yuh know Island People always have some dotish 'Theme') ..... and yuh was supposed tuh wear "BRIGHT" ...... so wit dat said ...... and knowing dat dey known fuh a lot of gimmicky shit ..... I was kinda anxious tuh see the decor fuh such a 'Bright' theme ..... but ..... my excitement soon went dull as we made our way into the venue ...... which looked kinda like ...... Pier 1 ...... not no SPECTRUM ...... de only 'decor' dat was visible ..... was de Island People staff all decked off in all white!
So anyway ..... as we enter de party now ..... Bmobile was givin out dey usual crap ..... like cup and bandanna an' ting ..... and right next tuh dem was 'complimentary' welcome drinks ...... which immediately sent me into "Grrrrrr mode" ...... cuz Hello ..... after yuh pay $595 - $650 tuh walk eeeeen ah all-inclusive party ...... there is no such creature as 'complimentary' ...... but ..... whatever ..... ah call down ah Baileys and proceeded tuh really enter de party ...... which was set up on only one side of Pier 1 ..... so is like de party was half de size it normally is ......
Anyways ..... after downing drink number 1 ..... was time tuh get some food ...... which consisted of actual, real food ...... not hors d'oeuvres ..... there was a tent with Mexican food ..... and one with Creole food ..... and a couple other tents with stuff like shark and bake ....... and black pudding ..... and doubles ..... and poulorie ..... an' ting like dat ...... so ...... after checkin out all de tents ...... we settled on some Creole ...... soon after ...... it was time for drink number 2 ..... which very rapidly multiplied into drink number 7 or 8 ...... all while a handful more 'beautiful people' turned up ..... in between three bands takin the stage ...... and everybody shoo-shooin about de Pohlice outside with de breathalyzer!
Now I could go on and on ..... but ...... in a nutshell ..... fuh me ..... de party was vibesless ...... and I guess is because ...... I really doh know none of de music fuh dis season ..... cuz yuh know soca is ah dotish music like dat! ...... if yuh eh familiar wit it .... it eh go move yuh ...... so I really was not moved by the HD Family ...... they just looked like a confused bunch ..... Bunji and Faye-Ann ...... well I didn't even see dem ..... all I know is dat Bunji have one stupid song about de gully and de gaza ...... steups!!! ..... an' doh talk fuh Kes de Band ..... by dat time ...... I was firmly stuck tuh ah chair by de pool ...... cuz one of my crew became sick from drinking too much ......
...... before Kes even finish ...... I was out ......
..... and that is when I had my near brush with blowin ah Breathalyzer ......
Me: Realisin dat it have real Pohlice on de scene ..... ah slow down when ah reach de
first one .... an' ah turn meh window down ..... tuh hear what he have tuh say .....
Pohlice: Goodnight Miss ...... please follow dat car (meaning the car dat was in front of me)
Me: So I follow the car ..... and end up on de shoulder ..... where ah nex Pohlice walks up
to my window ..... and all I studyin is ..... Oh gosh not he .....he's ah real known
Idiot Pohlice!! ..... so anyway ...... as ah say ...... he walks up to my window with a
smile on his face as if tuh say ..... 'eh heh yuh get ketch!' ..... and then proceeds tuh
ask fuh de standard documents ....
Pohlice: Goodnight Ma'am ..... we're just conducting a routine check ...... may I see your
licence and insurance .....
Me: So while digging under my seat for my handbag ..... and trying to locate my
insurance in the glove compartment ...... he then continues ......
Pohlice: How many drinks did you consume?
Me: 3 Scotch and Coconut .....
Pohlice: Would you be willing to do a Breathalyzer test?
Me: OK ..... but I don't really know much about this whole Breathalyzer thing .......
I don't know what the legal alcohol in yuh blood level is ..... and I don't think
that I am drunk ...... but OK ...... if you want me to do one ..... I'll do it .....
Pohlice: You do know that if you fail the test ...... you can be arrested?
Me: Oh gosh no ..... ah didn't know dat ...... den NO ....... ah doh want tuh do it
again ...... ah really doh feel tuh get arrested tonight .....
Pohlice: *smirk* how much yuh pay tuh go eeeen dat party?
Me: $650
Pohlice: So dat means yuh real drink ......
Me: No .... cuz yuh could never drink yuh money's worth .....
At that point ..... he then leaned down ....... looked at my passenger ...... and returned my permit and insurance ..... cuz I guess he simply came tuh de conclusion ..... dat I really was the designated driver ..... as there was no doubt in his mind ..... that my passenger WAS drunk! ...... which he let me know ..... and which I refuted with .... "No Officer - he just tired" ....
Now what I want tuh know is dis ...... what exactly is de criteria ...... dat de Pohlice usin with dis breathalyzer ting ...... tuh brace people who goin home from party ..... cuz why it is I get brace ..... and fren didn't ...... cuz she left de party 5 minutes before me ...... in de same condition as me ...... and she was not stopped ...... dey eh fart on she ....... so why it is ...... dat 5 minutes later ...... when I driving by ...... dey stop ME ..... and how come I was asked if I'd be willing tuh do de test ...... I didn't know yuh had ah choice!
Anyway ...... everybody reach home safe ..... an' nobody eh get arrested!
By de way ..... next week is meh burrrday ..... an' ah lookin tuh trow ah big party called ONE ...... Witco sponsorin it ...... yuh all invited!
...... is now 2010 ...... and Carnival come back again! ...... which I didn't even realise ...... until fren call meh last week ...... tuh discuss Carnival fetes! ...... cuz is only then ...... it dawned on me ..... dat I eh know when nuttin is ...... and I eh even know one soca song fuh de season! ..... it so bad wit me ...... dat is only when de Beyonce bacchanal start tuh brew ..... dat I find out dat Carnival is dat same week!!
Now my peeps know ...... dat dey is not tuh call me ...... tuh ASK me where I goin ...... and dat when dey call (tuh have a carnival discussion) ....... is tuh TELL me where WE goin ..... cuz as I've said time and time again ...... me eh payin dem crazy ass prices tuh go nowhere! ...... if ah ticket doh magically land up in my lap ...... my arse is home (wit all my money still in my wallet)!
So anyway ....... said fren ...... who is de original link-up queen ..... and who knows my MO very well ...... call meh back about 2 days after we talk ..... tuh tell meh dat she organise tickets fuh Amnesia .....
Scene's carnival was about tuh launch!
Now I didn't go to Amnesia last year ...... which apparently ...... was not a good year for them ..... with the whole hors d'oeuvres paradin as food fiasco ...... I believe it was their first year attempting dat format ...... and Trinis did not appreciate it at all ..... cuz if is one ting Trinis expect when dey pay hundreds of dollars tuh go ah party ...... is nuff food ...... and nuff alcohol ..... and dah whole finger foods scene ..... jus wasn't cuttin it ..... cuz Trinis feel if dey pay $600 or $700 or $800 ...... dey must eat and drink de whole $600 or $700 or $800!!!
Anyway ....... de party was yesterday ...... at Pier 1 ..... and from de looks of tings ..... is only people who had AMNESIA ..... and people like me (who didn't go last year) ...... turn up! ....... cuz I reach de party about 6:00 pm ..... which I figured was a good time ...... since it was carded to start at 4:00 pm ..... but ......at that time ...... plenty of de 'beautiful people' still had not arrived!
Tuh tell yuh how buss-ish de party was ..... getting tuh de venue was ah breeze ...... and you know ..... dat nuttin it havin down dey does doh cause traffic! ...... but ..... yesterday was smooth sailing ...... even parkin was borse ..... cuz was nuff room in de Pier 2 car park ..... an' doh get meh wrong eh ...... I eh complainin about de buss-ish-ness eh ..... cuz dat actually worked in we (the beautiful people) favour ..... cuz nothing was a problem in de party ...... drinks was real easy tuh get ...... food was plentiful and real easy tuh get ..... de bathrooms were clean and real easy tuh access ..... de crowd was real spaced out and real easy tuh maneuver yuh way through ..... in other words ...... de scene was nice and cool ...... and not hot and sweaty and ram (like previous years)!
The theme this year was "Spectrum - The Colour Principle" (yeah, yuh know Island People always have some dotish 'Theme') ..... and yuh was supposed tuh wear "BRIGHT" ...... so wit dat said ...... and knowing dat dey known fuh a lot of gimmicky shit ..... I was kinda anxious tuh see the decor fuh such a 'Bright' theme ..... but ..... my excitement soon went dull as we made our way into the venue ...... which looked kinda like ...... Pier 1 ...... not no SPECTRUM ...... de only 'decor' dat was visible ..... was de Island People staff all decked off in all white!
So anyway ..... as we enter de party now ..... Bmobile was givin out dey usual crap ..... like cup and bandanna an' ting ..... and right next tuh dem was 'complimentary' welcome drinks ...... which immediately sent me into "Grrrrrr mode" ...... cuz Hello ..... after yuh pay $595 - $650 tuh walk eeeeen ah all-inclusive party ...... there is no such creature as 'complimentary' ...... but ..... whatever ..... ah call down ah Baileys and proceeded tuh really enter de party ...... which was set up on only one side of Pier 1 ..... so is like de party was half de size it normally is ......
Anyways ..... after downing drink number 1 ..... was time tuh get some food ...... which consisted of actual, real food ...... not hors d'oeuvres ..... there was a tent with Mexican food ..... and one with Creole food ..... and a couple other tents with stuff like shark and bake ....... and black pudding ..... and doubles ..... and poulorie ..... an' ting like dat ...... so ...... after checkin out all de tents ...... we settled on some Creole ...... soon after ...... it was time for drink number 2 ..... which very rapidly multiplied into drink number 7 or 8 ...... all while a handful more 'beautiful people' turned up ..... in between three bands takin the stage ...... and everybody shoo-shooin about de Pohlice outside with de breathalyzer!
Now I could go on and on ..... but ...... in a nutshell ..... fuh me ..... de party was vibesless ...... and I guess is because ...... I really doh know none of de music fuh dis season ..... cuz yuh know soca is ah dotish music like dat! ...... if yuh eh familiar wit it .... it eh go move yuh ...... so I really was not moved by the HD Family ...... they just looked like a confused bunch ..... Bunji and Faye-Ann ...... well I didn't even see dem ..... all I know is dat Bunji have one stupid song about de gully and de gaza ...... steups!!! ..... an' doh talk fuh Kes de Band ..... by dat time ...... I was firmly stuck tuh ah chair by de pool ...... cuz one of my crew became sick from drinking too much ......
...... before Kes even finish ...... I was out ......
..... and that is when I had my near brush with blowin ah Breathalyzer ......
Me: Realisin dat it have real Pohlice on de scene ..... ah slow down when ah reach de
first one .... an' ah turn meh window down ..... tuh hear what he have tuh say .....
Pohlice: Goodnight Miss ...... please follow dat car (meaning the car dat was in front of me)
Me: So I follow the car ..... and end up on de shoulder ..... where ah nex Pohlice walks up
to my window ..... and all I studyin is ..... Oh gosh not he .....he's ah real known
Idiot Pohlice!! ..... so anyway ...... as ah say ...... he walks up to my window with a
smile on his face as if tuh say ..... 'eh heh yuh get ketch!' ..... and then proceeds tuh
ask fuh de standard documents ....
Pohlice: Goodnight Ma'am ..... we're just conducting a routine check ...... may I see your
licence and insurance .....
Me: So while digging under my seat for my handbag ..... and trying to locate my
insurance in the glove compartment ...... he then continues ......
Pohlice: How many drinks did you consume?
Me: 3 Scotch and Coconut .....
Pohlice: Would you be willing to do a Breathalyzer test?
Me: OK ..... but I don't really know much about this whole Breathalyzer thing .......
I don't know what the legal alcohol in yuh blood level is ..... and I don't think
that I am drunk ...... but OK ...... if you want me to do one ..... I'll do it .....
Pohlice: You do know that if you fail the test ...... you can be arrested?
Me: Oh gosh no ..... ah didn't know dat ...... den NO ....... ah doh want tuh do it
again ...... ah really doh feel tuh get arrested tonight .....
Pohlice: *smirk* how much yuh pay tuh go eeeen dat party?
Me: $650
Pohlice: So dat means yuh real drink ......
Me: No .... cuz yuh could never drink yuh money's worth .....
At that point ..... he then leaned down ....... looked at my passenger ...... and returned my permit and insurance ..... cuz I guess he simply came tuh de conclusion ..... dat I really was the designated driver ..... as there was no doubt in his mind ..... that my passenger WAS drunk! ...... which he let me know ..... and which I refuted with .... "No Officer - he just tired" ....
Now what I want tuh know is dis ...... what exactly is de criteria ...... dat de Pohlice usin with dis breathalyzer ting ...... tuh brace people who goin home from party ..... cuz why it is I get brace ..... and fren didn't ...... cuz she left de party 5 minutes before me ...... in de same condition as me ...... and she was not stopped ...... dey eh fart on she ....... so why it is ...... dat 5 minutes later ...... when I driving by ...... dey stop ME ..... and how come I was asked if I'd be willing tuh do de test ...... I didn't know yuh had ah choice!
Anyway ...... everybody reach home safe ..... an' nobody eh get arrested!
By de way ..... next week is meh burrrday ..... an' ah lookin tuh trow ah big party called ONE ...... Witco sponsorin it ...... yuh all invited!
scene you bring up a valid point.. what does it take to get tested.. a pair of testicles.. beligerance... d man ask yuh if yuh willing to take the test... it should be manditory.. dem doh stop meh.. nonsense as usual...
and next time doh lemme ketch yuh driving under the influence eh...
so how come yuh eh talk bout d outta sync HD camp...
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"cuz yuh know soca is ah dotish music like dat! ...... if yuh eh familiar wit it .... it eh go move yuh"
Dais why I have to listen to the music in NY first before I hop on that plane. Otherwise I'll feel like a lost jackass in a fete.
That Bunji joint with gully and gaza is rank sh!t. This is the year for groovy soca yes. Pace ain't really doing it (save for "Parlance" which is crap but catchy crap, I dig it)
That breatherlyser is worries. Pressure this season with that. Hire a taxi yes.
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Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Trinidad.
After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine, dry summer night), flicked the blinkers on, then off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward ! a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patron vehicles left. At last, the parking lot empty, he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road.
The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken. "
"I doubt it, " said the truly proud Trini, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy! "
Allyuh done know my opinion on dem dunceys.
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LOL .... got this joke in email de odda day
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dat sound like a joke or something.
but dat is good strategy doh.
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Aye QD ..... Welcome tuh de scene
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Well look ting...yuh get brace by de police! Be careful though, dem fellas standing outside all dem fete just waiting.
As for Amnesia, I looked at it on Triniscene (they were streaming live)...talk bout $hit! I wanted to see HD Family and, all I can say is MASS CONFUSION! They were not impressive at all. Looked at 1/2 of Asylum's performance and that was it. Overall, the fete looked vibesless. I was having more fun reading all the comments from the viewers. Oh well.
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Carnival come again! They real serious with the breathalyzer boy!
I watched the first hour of the fete on the Triniscene live steam! I only saw the HD performance, which was a mess! They took the theme to heart...I saw every colour of the rainbow on stage! Didn't see the rest of the stream though...I had to go out.
Hope yuh have a ball at One Fete!
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..... keeping fingers (and toes) crossed fuh ONE (or more) freeness!
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Gyul, luck was on your side, from what I can tell.
Over here, once they stop your car, you'll have to blow. If the breathalyzer comes up positive, it's off to the police station where a doc will draw blood to determine how much alcohol is in your blood.With 8 drinks, you would be way over the allowed level.That means a court date, hefty fine and needless to say your drivers license will be revoked for at least a year. Oh, your ass would be in trouble(another fine) for telling them that you only had 3 drinks
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I had more than 3
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